Monday, July 18, 2011

Challenges of Being a Step Mother!!

So far this Summer has been awesome with my step daughter Kayla, although I hardly ever call her that. I say she is my daughter. She is not treated any differently than any of my other kids. This Summer though has been a little rough as Kayla is getting older and starting to understand a lot more, not to mention all the questions she has been asking. I have been challenged a little, what do I say when she asks if her mother is ever going to get a larger apartment or if her mother is going to buy her any new clothing? Today especially made my heart sink as she told me that she really loves our mother/daughter relationship and that she wishes she had that with her REAL mom. I really don't have to try so hard with Kayla, she has had a smile on her face since the first day I saw her and since she saw me. I just find it difficult when she has a frown on her face and there isn't a thing I can do about it. Now see without giving out too many details, Kayla is extremely happy when she visits for the Summer and we are so sad to see her go. This year Kayla made a wishlist. Her wishes about the things she wants to change about her life, she is only 10 years old.
Her list:
More Space (larger home)
A backyard
Her Own Bike
Zhu Zhu Pet
A stuffed Animal
Conversations with her Mother
A larger Car
Toys for her baby Brother

These are some of the things she wished she had at her mother's home. I am so upset over the fact that we help take care of Kayla when she is not here and she is missing out on so many simple things in her life. It tears me up completely that in 3 weeks I will be putting her on a plane back home. I mean, I have no say over any of the things that happen or don't happen in her life back home (with her mom). My husband and I have tried over and over to have these conversations with her mother and all we get is a hang up or no response. What else is there to do? Kayla has everything here and we wish she could be here with us all year around, but most of all I want her to be happy wherever she is. Kayla and I have an awesome relationship and I wouldn't change a thing about it....the only thing I wish I could do is change her life a little, for the better, but as a step-mom I have no rights....not even in court. I feel so helpless and all I can do is listen to my little girl and tell her that things will get better. I just don't want to make her any promises HER mother can't keep, how do I explain that? Has anyone out there ever been in this type of situation?? I am happily to be stuck in the middle but not happy that I can't fix anything. Kayla is an amazing and talented young girl that has gone through so much already in her life and some days I just wish I could just keep her here so she can have a great life, with no adult worries. She shouldn't have to worry about half the things that go on in her (home) life. She should be a kid, treated like a child and taken care of like a daughter. I am doing the best I can trying not to step over any boundaries. I wish her MOTHER could see what I see in Kayla. When her mother was questioned whether or not the parenting plan could be changed all she said was "NO, I am her mother." Alright that is fair right? I am a mother too and I know when your child needs you, you should at least give a damn. As a mother you provide for your child and if you can't, you go without as long as your child gets what they need. You make sacrifices...you sacrifice driving a sports car so that your child has clothes for school, you sacrifice that Coach bag as long as your child has food to eat.
I am sorry to have vented on here but some of it has been boiling up...I need your opinions and advice...what would you do?? And would you share all this with the Mother??

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