Should stay at home mothers be responsible for all housework?? That was the question I asked recently on a video I did for RealMilitaryWives.tv. (see below)
I did get a mixed review....well my video made it seem like I didn't do too much around the house. I just want to say that I am lucky that my husband wants to help me around the house. He isn't your typical, I work, you stay home and clean while taking care of the children. He participates in the housework without asking, especially on his days off. I shouldn't have any complaints. I have many friends who have husbands that expect the woman to do everything around the home, even husbands who have never changed a diaper in their life!!! How does that happen?? It happens because some women love taking care of the home and feel it is their duty.
My father was a really great role model for me as well as my mother who stood up for what she believed in. She made it seem like my father was in charge but secretly we all knew my mother wore the pants, as much as she loves to deny it. I am not saying I wear the pants, because I consult with my hubby on everything...even on what color lipstick I should wear! Sounds corny...but I have asked my hubby if I or he ran the house...he laughed and said that I do...but really we both do.
Chris making popcorn on the stove, funny!
I don't know if it is because of the Army that my hubby gives me choices...because he knows with the Army, I have sacrificed a lot. He doesn't owe me by any means for being in the Army but I think he has guilt. He also believes in fairness. My husband and I never use the word "LET" as in "HE LETS ME", or "SHE LETS ME," because truly we do not own eachother. We obviously make suggestions but we don't ever boss eachother around.
My Mother and Father bbq'ing together!!
Let us talk history, growing up, my father was 1 in 12 children in his family so contributing to the family was important. My mother was raised by her grandparents and at the age of 15 she moved back to the U.S. to work and send money back home. When my parents married, my father did expect a lot. My mother tells me how she had to serve him....as in cook, clean and take care of my sister, but somehow that evolved over the years. My father taught my mother to cook...in fact, that is the story I get all the time. My father and mother always worked full time and so they split housework...my father cooked, cleaned, took care of the children and even did my hair before I went to school!! I saw that my father was not ashamed to be in a woman's role every once in a while. There is no shame in a man wanting to take care of his household, even if it is scrubbing a dish or two.
My household is ran a lot like my parent's home. My husband does a lot compared to other husbands and I appreciate it so much, he even gives me "me time" when I want it. He works 12 hour shifts and I am home with the kids, trying to catch up on housework and when he gets home, he does take the kids. Sounds unfair on paper....this is what he does without even asking:
cooks breakfast, lunch or dinner
takes out trash
plays with the children
changes diapers even poopy ones
and many other things...
The list is long and I am not trying to brag, but he actually enjoys taking care of us.
The reality of it all is that my husband doesn't want to miss out on anything, even if it is folding laundry. He was away for most of his daughter's childhood because of deployments and so he fills his free time with home stuff. A fear that many Soldiers have. He loves taking care of us....spoiling us really. I have never been in this kind of relationship ever!!! I am very greatful for what I have and hold on to it tightly.
We have our days where each of us refuses to do dishes or fold laundry...that will happen, but in the end we work together on making our household function, we are happy. We will gladly tell you that.
**disclaimer** although I never feel like I ever do enough, my husband tells me I do. He says that it's challenging being a mom and staying sane at the same time.
To all the stay at home mommies out there who do all the housework, I commend you because it is very challenging to do. I know many of you love that role in your homes, and you should be very proud.