Sometimes you just have to enjoy the time you have together. I woke up today feeling sad and lonely. I didn't want to be in a slump and I don't want to be that person that starts feeling sorry for herself. My husband as many of you know, is in the Army. He has been deployed before but we've never been through a deployment together. It has been a bunch of ups and downs since we found out that he would be deploying rather soon. A lot of the time I hide my emotions and pretend like I am the strongest woman alive. Today I took the cape off. This morning I felt very lonely.
I texted my husband and told him how I was feeling, I mean all out confession that I am afraid. I don't want to think about what could happen because in my mind he is returning safe and sound.
You hear stories that men and women come home a changed person. What they see, feel and hear out there is nothing I could ever imagine. I only get bits and pieces from what my husband has experienced and I know half of his stories are edited. I don't think he would want me to picture what he has been through.
This time around I am mentally preparing more than I ever have with anything in my life. The peace that I find is the realization that my husband is a damn good soldier and he knows how to do his job well. I don't ever underestimate his abilities. I am not saying it because he is my husband, but because I believe with every fiber of my being that he is a DAMN good soldier.
In my brain I keep picturing the day he has to leave to deploy. I don't want to cry, I want to be strong. Maybe I will cry the night before so I won't have to on the actual day. But I don't want to cry at all even though inside my heart will be slowly breaking every day he will be gone. Since learning that he will be deploying, I have heard statements like "well at least they aren't deploying as long as they used to." The TIME they are gone, whether for one week, nine months or fifteen months, doesn't change the way I feel about deployment. At least not for me. When my husband leaves, a half of me is missing. Emotionally, spiritually, physically I feel it in my soul that half of me is not here.
My husband makes me proud everyday. His drive to go to work and his dedication is what keeps me motivated to do my half. I will support him one million percent...no questions asked.
It is ok to cry, being away from your spouse is never easy...but remember as each day passes, is one day near to the time you get to see them again. So I am going to get out of my slump for today and enjoy the time I have with him while he is still home. xoxoxoxo