Monday, December 31, 2012

13 hours until 2013 , A Time To Reflect!

So I started off this morning (12:30am) scared as hell!! If you follow me on Facebook you would know that I had a, what I thought to be, a burglar scare!! When your husband isn't home, the strangest things happen. You hear noises, most of the time it is all in your head and I feel like the noises you do hear are magnified because you are alone. You know, like when you watch a scary movie and the music intensifies the moment. <--- That is what I felt like this morning.
So a large banging noise followed by footsteps is what I heard last night. Chris and I have hidden weapons in our home for good reason. Between the baseball bat and the large knife I had to pick from, I chose the knife. I wasn't going down without a fight! My boys were sleeping so peacefully upstairs and here I was, scared as hell, about to defend my home, myself and my children. It was all or nothing at this point.
After inspecting the entire downstairs as my heart was pounding, I found nothing. I looked under tables, in the bathrooms and closets. Nothing. No broken windows or unlocked doors. Thank goodness!!
So when I went up to bed I quickly emailed my husband and told him what had happened. Probably shouldn't have since he shouldn't carry anymore stress. I was scared and I really needed him at that moment. The thing is, Chris has been preparing me for his deployment so well. Hidden weapons and how to use them. Safety and how to defend myself. I have to also give props to my previous job...
I was glad to have woken up this morning, as I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep. I was getting ready to have my morning coffee and eat last night's leftovers when someone came knocking at my door. Three hooded individuals at my door!!! I got that little bit of fear in my body once again...I don't open the door unless I can see who is standing on the opposite side. I recognized two of the teens, they were my neighbor's kids. My screen door is locked at all times in case anyone tries to just barge in. I opened the door.
So there he was, my neighbor, telling me that his boys had something to tell me. (In my mind I was hoping that it had something to do with last night)...it sure was. His boys threw eggs at the neighbors house and tomato sauce at mine...no glass or anything. They must have been out there all night because of all the clanking sounds. They apologized and felt so bad. It is freezing outside today, literally frost on everything and their dad is making them pressure wash both houses. Right on dad, teach your sons a lesson. I wasn't upset, I let them know that I thought I had a burglar and I have two small boys. Pranks at my house are not tolerated but that I forgave them. I was quite relieved, it could have been way worse.
As far as the rest of my day goes, maybe a small pizza party for my sons, telling God that I thank him for protecting me and my family. For protecting my husband as he is carrying out a mission on the other side of the world. I am being thankful for everything this year has brought.  A new home in a new state. A new car to replace my broken one. Health for my family and all the good moments and great lessons I have learned.
Happy New Year to everyone in my life, whether I know you in person, online or a stranger who happened to come across my blog. I appreciate you. I appreciate all of your support everyday.
Thank you for making this year a great one and I can't wait for 2013 when my husband is to return to us. God Bless!

Saturday, December 29, 2012

21 Days and Christmas

Twenty One Days Gone and Passed...

Ok seriously, I have an app on my phone that counts down the amount of time left until his Home Coming...we are already done with 8%!!

Today I plan to put together a video outlining our last three weeks of our experience with deployment. The ups and downs, what I have learned and what I continue to learn. I will also be answering some of the questions I have been asked so far.

Chris says this deployment has been quite a challenge, something about this one that makes it different than the rest. I am lucky to say that we have had pretty good communication in the last 3 weeks but that is about to change. I expected that. I am ok with it because I am confident we will do well. We will be counting on snail mail!! I have already written a few letters.

This week I will be putting together his first care package. What to send? I have only gathered what he couldn't take with him and I plan on shopping for snacks. I don't think he minds as long as he gets something from home. My boys have made drawings and notes to send to daddy. PICTURES are important, so I am sending a lot of those. Luckily, in this day in age, computers can save pictures, so of course I have been emailing him a ton.

We had a wonderful holiday. My friends came over for a potluck dinner and it turned out to be so much fun!! Charades and Mad Gab were some of the games we played! I am so lucky that I was able to spend it with them.

I compiled some clips of our holiday celebration in a video to send to Chris, he enjoyed it!

Pictures down below!! Video Link as well!

Thank you for your continued support, your words inspire me!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Almost Two Weeks In

It has been almost two weeks since I have seen my husband!! Already! Ok so I wish it were that easy to shout out because some days drag on and on.
Lately, I have been asked so many questions concerning Chris' deployment. First one that was asked: "It must be hard around the holidays without your husband?"
-Why yes of course it is hard. I just can't harp on it too much because my kids will notice that mommy is not happy.
Another question: "Can you call your husband while he is out there?"
-No, I cannot call him. I wish I could though but his service has been suspended and we opted out of getting a phone plan to call back and forth. For good reason, it is pricey!! Chris and I have Iphones and the great thing about those is that if there is WiFi anywhere around him, he can send me IMessages! Awesome! Not only that but we can also Skype.
So what about Skype??
Chris and I have been able to communicate on Skype for the past couple of weeks but it has become less and less that I have been able to communicate with him at all. I am not angry over that at all. I am happy that he calls when he can.

Another Question: Is he going to come home on R&R? R&R is not available for him as he is on a 9 month tour. Maybe more or less...we don't know.

The thing about deployments is that they can change in so many ways. Length, location, and all other kinds of changes. You have to expect changes at any given time.

These past couple of weeks I have been focused on getting our bills and things in order. I have been making sure that things are running as smooth as possible so Chris has close to nothing to worry about. That is what military spouses do while their soldier is away...on top of many other things.

How do you feel?
Emotionally, I wake up feeling good but at night when it is just me and the silence in the house, the loneliness creeps up. I have insomnia on some nights but because my children really keep me busy, I have fallen asleep around 8pm some nights! Love songs and romantic movies are a NO for now.

If you have any questions on anything, preparing, what to do with your kids, etc. don't hesistate to ask!!

Thank you for reading my blog!! New video to come on my channel on the first 2 weeks of Chris' deployment!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Christmas Without Him

I wasn't going to put the Christmas tree up this year. I was dead set on not having it up or decorating because of my mood. BAHHHH HUMBUG!!!
Chris came home with Christmas gifts for our boys about a week before he left. I must admit...it tore me up inside. The joy on his face was so memorable. (So much that it makes me teary now.) He was happy that he was able to get a few things that I could wrap up, specifically from daddy.
A few days before Chris was to deploy, he went into the garage and found all of our Christmas decor and the tree. He was determined to get it all set up for us so we could get some cheer in the house. It was sort of bittersweet. A part of me wanted to tie him to a chair so he wouldn't leave and the other was greatful that he would do all this for us. He wants us to have a very normal Christmas, and I do finally agree.
The thing about deployments is that you want to keep the time apart as normal as possible, especially for the children. Our kids know that daddy is away. They haven't a clue as to how long.
The night before Chris left, he and I took the picture above and then we decided to head to the mall in hopes we would find Santa. We wanted a moment the kids could remember where daddy and Santa were both present. Afterwards, we all went out to eat. It was nothing but joyous even knowing what was to come.
My sons and daddy decorated the Christmas tree. I hung the stockings and just sat there and watched. I took it all in as if it were a very beautiful dream. Watching Chris with our children is something that I always treasure. He is so great with them. They laugh, they joke and they play like noone else is in the room. These are the times where I take my camera out and just snap shots!
So what are your plans this Christmas??
Even though my mood has been a little up and down these past couple weeks, I have decided, dinner at my house would be beneficial. We need more cheer and I know Chris would want us to.
Christopher if you are reading...thank you so much for bringing cheer not only during the holidays but into our lives everyday. Thank you for dragging the Christmas tree into the living room and digging through the garage for our left over decor. You mean so much to us and we are thinking about you everyday. We love you.

Happy Holidays Everyone!! From our Family to Yours!!!

Friday, December 14, 2012

One Week Later

Hello World. I am back after a month or two of events leading up to Chris' deployment. Yup deployment.
I can't even begin to talk about the roller coaster of emotions I was feeling for the last couple of months. I was/am sad, nervous, scared, confused and so many other things I am sure you could imagine. I broke down a few times and I am just fortunate that Chris was there to talk to at the time.

Now that a week has passed, I am able to put some thoughts together and place them here for you all to read.
I created a video on my YT channel that sort of went into the emotions I felt when Chris left to Afghanistan. I waited a little while because I wasn't ready.
The way I deal with separation, is to separate myself even further. Not a good idea. I avoided phone calls on purpose and kept to myself. Is that normal??

Skype Date!!

I didn't want to get on the phone to speak to others about how I felt because it made me so sad and helpless. I cried a few times to my mother, to Chris' mother and then I pulled myself together. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I have no choice. My kids are my priority and their happiness is important to me. I couldn't allow them to see me cry, one night was enough for them.
So far it has been one week since Chris got on that plane to the unknown. The unknown scares the living sh*& out of me!!! I don't know where my husband is...ok yes Afghanistan, but I don't know exactly where he lays his head to rest for the night, and that bothers me. I don't know what he has to see or hear.
Chris had been traveling this whole time, 7 days. I can't imagine the stress he was under. I wonder how he does it, day in and day out.

I have an important role in all this and I didn't quite appreciate it until the time came. I thought that my role was unimportant because I wasn't earning income. My husband would continuously reassure me that I contributed so much more than dollar bills...money isn't important, "your presence in those kid's lives and our home" is what counts. "The woman who holds it down 24/7, 365 days a year." It was me my husband was talking about!! I get it now. I commend all military spouses who are taking care of their home, children and pets. Taking care of the bills, being their own financial advisor, a homemaker and grocery shopper, so many other roles to fill.
It is one week later and yes I am still scared and nervous but like Chris keeps saying, "he is good at his job" and I believe him. I trust he will do well out there and I believe that his soldiers will do the same.
So what I am concentrated on now is to plan a Christmas dinner at my home with a few friends, so we can remember those that cannot be home for the holidays. I sort of wish I had an address to send my husband things. Christmas will come a little later for him, but he doesn't mind.
Another day down and one day closer to seeing him again.

One of our last pics before his deployment.
 Sorry that this blog post was out of sorts. I hope I can start writing with a little more sense in the future.

I want to thank everyone who has been sending me messages and their inspiring words. It has meant so much to me.

I also want to take a moment now to remember those who lost their lives in the horrific massacre that occurred in Connecticut, may they find peace. God bless their families during this time.