Friday, December 14, 2012

One Week Later

Hello World. I am back after a month or two of events leading up to Chris' deployment. Yup deployment.
I can't even begin to talk about the roller coaster of emotions I was feeling for the last couple of months. I was/am sad, nervous, scared, confused and so many other things I am sure you could imagine. I broke down a few times and I am just fortunate that Chris was there to talk to at the time.

Now that a week has passed, I am able to put some thoughts together and place them here for you all to read.
I created a video on my YT channel that sort of went into the emotions I felt when Chris left to Afghanistan. I waited a little while because I wasn't ready.
The way I deal with separation, is to separate myself even further. Not a good idea. I avoided phone calls on purpose and kept to myself. Is that normal??

Skype Date!!

I didn't want to get on the phone to speak to others about how I felt because it made me so sad and helpless. I cried a few times to my mother, to Chris' mother and then I pulled myself together. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I have no choice. My kids are my priority and their happiness is important to me. I couldn't allow them to see me cry, one night was enough for them.
So far it has been one week since Chris got on that plane to the unknown. The unknown scares the living sh*& out of me!!! I don't know where my husband is...ok yes Afghanistan, but I don't know exactly where he lays his head to rest for the night, and that bothers me. I don't know what he has to see or hear.
Chris had been traveling this whole time, 7 days. I can't imagine the stress he was under. I wonder how he does it, day in and day out.

I have an important role in all this and I didn't quite appreciate it until the time came. I thought that my role was unimportant because I wasn't earning income. My husband would continuously reassure me that I contributed so much more than dollar bills...money isn't important, "your presence in those kid's lives and our home" is what counts. "The woman who holds it down 24/7, 365 days a year." It was me my husband was talking about!! I get it now. I commend all military spouses who are taking care of their home, children and pets. Taking care of the bills, being their own financial advisor, a homemaker and grocery shopper, so many other roles to fill.
It is one week later and yes I am still scared and nervous but like Chris keeps saying, "he is good at his job" and I believe him. I trust he will do well out there and I believe that his soldiers will do the same.
So what I am concentrated on now is to plan a Christmas dinner at my home with a few friends, so we can remember those that cannot be home for the holidays. I sort of wish I had an address to send my husband things. Christmas will come a little later for him, but he doesn't mind.
Another day down and one day closer to seeing him again.

One of our last pics before his deployment.
 Sorry that this blog post was out of sorts. I hope I can start writing with a little more sense in the future.

I want to thank everyone who has been sending me messages and their inspiring words. It has meant so much to me.

I also want to take a moment now to remember those who lost their lives in the horrific massacre that occurred in Connecticut, may they find peace. God bless their families during this time.


  1. You are a strong woman, Sofia! Just take it one day at a time and one moment at a time if you need to. . .and remember that you have friends and family all over the world who love you without fail. You've got this, girlie! <3 Suki

    1. Thank you Suki! Your words mean so much! Thank you!!