We are less than three weeks before Chris returns from Afghanistan. I can't believe it!!
On Youtube I didn't allow myself to show most of my sad moments but I did have plenty. I am not sure if it shows weakness or vulnerability, but now I wish I had. My audience on my Youtube channel are very much my friends and who better than to show them my true feelings about the deployment. I suppose I wanted to be strong and more determined than anything.
Chris' deployment was cut short and I prayed and prayed that it would happen since the day he left. I felt strongly that he would be back sooner than later and it happened just the way I envisioned.
Now that the deployment is winding down, I keep getting anxious. True anxiety over it! I am nervous and I know I am not the first military wife to think this: "Is he going to feel the same way about me when he returns?"
The time difference between us was such a challenge and it got the best of my emotions. I GET CRABBY WHEN I AM TIRED...there is no denying that at all. Chris called me around 11pm most nights and by that time, I was a bit exhausted but I didn't choose to change our time to communicate, I would have been up at 4am if that was the only opportunity we had to talk.
Now that he will be returning, I have instead been in a hole. All the emotions I felt when he left are returning one by one. I am frustrated, angry, clueless, scared, worried, and so many more. I should be happy most of all. WHAT IS HAPPENING?? Chris and I had a few minor hiccups in the last week and they all could have been prevented if I wasn't so emotional or sensitive. Anyone else go through these rough patches towards the end of deployment??
I have been trying to keep busy but it hasn't helped. I find myself thinking and thinking about what his arrival is going to be like. What dress am I going to wear? Is the house going to be up to par? <--- I let this one go.
The most important thing to do now is to relax, calm myself down and take a breath. He is almost home!!! It is an overwhelming feeling.
If you are going through a deployment and have had to work through your feelings, please any advice would help down below in the comment section.
I want to hold it together.